Who I am Hates Where I am at

It has been about a year and 4 months since I wrote on here before going to Mexico and my life is so different. I now attend school at Houghton College in New York and do not know how I feel about it yet. And that is where my story begins....

College life is good, I am making some friends and finding alot out about myself. However, it is not home and it is not what I dreamt about. It just is. I go to class from 8-2 and homework almost every ounce of my free time and for what? A diploma. an education. This is not who I am, this is not what I have been created for.

Who I am:
~A servant at heart, you have a need and I have a desire to serve you in order to meet that need. Here, I am a nobody. A faceless person in the crowd with no name and with no accountability.
~A worshipper. I long for the day where it will be non-stop worship of my maker, Creator, Friend, and Father. Here I am thankful for the different styles of worship put into the melting pot, but am so disppointed by the lack of authenticity that comes with it.
~A lover who desires to be wanted and loved in return. I put myself out there and become very vulnerable, but for who. I want to be your friend and your shoulder to cry on but I can't if you do not let me.
~A follower of Jesus Christ. He is the name under which I am. Everything I do is done for Him, every breath I take and every act I do it is all done to glorify Him.

So where does that leave me in secluded Houghton? About as far from where I want to be as possible (at this point in time). Even though it is not everything that I wanted college to be it definately has its high points in which shall be saved for another blog. But being here has left me wanting something more as if I have tasted what my future will be like and cannot stop until I am fully satisfied.

My Goals for this next year are:
To be like Christ in everything that I do. To care for the fatherless and humble myself to wash the feet of the wicked. And never stop spreading the message of joy and hope that is found in Him.
To mentor students and call them to a degree of higher worship. One that is based on a genuine love for the Creator.
To make the best out of every situation that I am given. No matter what the cost, I will praise God through this storm.

I pray that I will be on here more often than every year, but I hope when I look back at this a year from now I will not be who I am.

For His Glory,
Staci

THE Billy Graham Experience!

I have been thinking a lot lately about the impact my life has on people. I am not sure if it is positive or negative or has even touched let alone impacted anyone in its eighteen years so far. Does that matter? Is that all I am here for? The word 'impact' just a heaviness to it. When I use it it makes me feel powerful. Like the lives of those around me are like molding clay in my hands. And we always say "impact on people" as if touching one life isn't enough. But what makes something an impact. Who are we to judge our actions like that.

For a long time I have wanted to have a "Billy Graham Experience" where my impact is so great it touches thousands...no millions of people. For those of you who know me ( which could be very few depending on the success in number of readers) would not really see this dream as me. I am not the girl at center stage belting out a C or walking down the runway or voted most likely to succeed or even on the ballot for that matter. I just do not stand out. So this "Billy Graham Experience" is way out of reach for a girl that is camoflauged by the world around her. But who's to say we all are not having "Billy Graham" moments each time we serve.

I mean think about it. If we say our God is in the little things ( I mean he knows the number of hairs on my head) then why can't our little deeds matter or have impact. I am not saying to go out and count the number of hairs on peoples' heads to see if they are changed but...I think I focus to often on the numbers aspect. I have yet to lead anyone to the Lord, so does that mean I should quit serving others. NO! There are countless people working to keep this blog up on the internet, but no one notices until of course we get a bug and wonder why they can not get it right. So out of the thousands of times it does work we focus on the one time it doesn't.

I am headed off to Mexico tomorrow on a solo-missions trip. I am not going to be holding church services every night or bi-weekly or anytime for that matter. But I am going to be teaching English to a group of 10 or so girls. Because I am not preaching the gospel does that mean I am not telling of it. Christ calls us to be the body, but we all can't be the mouth. I think we want to be the mouth because it gets a lot of attention but we do not have the skills or tendencies to be center stage all the time. Somebody has to be the arm that does the work or the leg that gets them there. Or the hand that stuffs bulletins full of announcements. See a body is not complete with out all the parts. Most of the time it can function, just not as well as it could.

I used this in my support letter--but I believe it is valid. One stone can be thrown into the largest of lakes whether big or small it makes ripples. It has an impact on the area around it. The size of the rock determines the size of the ripple but not if there is going to a ripple or not. That physics. Can the same be said of our faith life. If we are place in an area do we see change. I think we do. It may not be the splash we are looking for, but our stone of talent can make its difference. But in order to make a ripple we have to serve.

And it's not until we all throw in our stones that we begin to make waves!